Suicide Isn't Death
by outside da box
Summary: AU: Stiles has to kill himself to begin the next day, if not, his day restarts Stiles has to die before midnight or else the day with start over again and again until he gets it right. And when he DOES, the next day will begin.


He tilted his head to the side, tears streaming out of his eyes and down his pale face as he fumbled with the razor. He looked up, and whimpered out a quiet 'sorry'. Leaning back onto the tile of the bathtub, he turned on the shower. As the cold water rushed him, he carved into his skin, making one long line through his wrist. He continued, etching two more lines up his arm.

On his fourth line, he heard someone enter his room, surprising him and causing him to cut too deep. Flinching, he dropped the razor. He grasped his cuts, only causing them to bleed more.

"Stiles?" Scott's voice.

"Yes?" Stiles choked.

"We are going to have a pack meeting tomorrow…" He could hear Scott shuffle, sniffing the air. "Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah." Stiles felt the dull pain of his cuts, mostly from the one bleeding more than the others.

"Did you cut yourself on something? I smell blood." He could hear Scott tapping nervously, wanting to check up on him.

"Yeah. I'm good." Stiles lied, knowing the shower would cover up his heartbeat.

There was blood coating the bottom of the tub, and he grasped the shampoo bottle, spraying more blood everywhere, he was feeling faint. He poured the shampoo everywhere, squirting some near the door so Scott would have trouble smelling the blood.

He was trembling, torn between getting Scott and not letting Scott see him like this. Feeling drastic, he grabbed the soap he knew Scott hated and tossed it near the door. He heard Scott audibly flinch. It made him flinch too, knowing he was pushing his best friend away when he could die. Looking at the blood on the floor/tub and feeling the numbness in his arm down, spreading everywhere, he knew that was assured.

"Scott-" He started, "Scotty…" He yearned to see his best friend as he collapsed into the tub, numbness spreading and spreading and spreading.

"I'll go." He heard Scott say. "But I'll be back soon, okay? It's almost midnight, get some sleep, Stiles." Stiles knew Scott had his hand on the door, worried, but not sure why.

He reached his hand out to the door, wanting to press it against Scott's… "Be safe." He whispered, not sure if Scott heard it. He wouldn't find out, as the darkness spotted his vision. "Please.' He begged. "Let-t me live. I m-made a mistake."

He thought he heard Scott say something…

Then he heard nothing.

He saw nothing.

He felt nothing.

Numb

Nu mb

N u m b

Stiles awoke drowning. He sat up fast, coughing out water and turning off the shower. He was soaked, white shirt now pink, faint smell of blood lingering. He looked at his hands, stained, and wrist, slashes fading somehow. He was confused, but never felt more relieved. Getting out, his legs were wobbly and he made his way slowly into his room, looking the door before getting dressed and checking the time.

1 O'clock in the morning

He didn't feel tired… well, that's a lie, he felt mentally tired. But all he wanted was to see his best friend at that moment. He tiptoed past his father's room, not before checking to see if he was sleeping peacefully.

Jumping into Rosco, he tried to start the Jeep, but it didn't work. Turning the key again, Rosco wouldn't start.

Fucking Rosco.

But Stiles smiled at his reflection in the overhead mirror, glad to be in his Jeep once again. He got out and shut the door, trailing his fingertips across the Jeep as he made his way towards Scott's house. It wasn't far, a mile or two, Stiles could walk there, and that's exactly what he did.

The night was cold, but Stiles liked it, gave him the feeling of being alive. But the thought made his chest ache, how was he still alive? How were his wounds already fading scars? Shouldn't they be there for a few days then begin to fade? Shouldn't he be dead?

It made him feel anxious, and he hurried towards Scott's house faster.

Nearing the doorstep, he took out his key, but thought otherwise. He didn't want to startle Melissa. So he walked to the side of the house and climbed atop the railing, reaching for the roof and climbing, pulling himself up and walking quietly towards Scott's window.

Nearing it, he saw Scott opening it with a look of confusion… werewolf hearing.

"What are you doing here!?" He whispered. "You should be asleep!"

"Are you alone?" Stiles raised an eyebrow, trying not to look like he desperately needed to see his best friend.

"Yeah, I was sleeping." Scott gestured to his bed head, and that was all Stiles needed.

He jumped through the window, wrapping his arms around Scott like a lifeline.

At first Scott froze, taken aback, but wrapped his arms around the boy on top of him. "Geez Stiles, we talked almost two hours ago, miss me much?"

With a nod from Stiles, Scott tightened his hold. "Did you cut yourself?"

Stiles flinched. "Yeah, but it's okay now." And it was, just being with his best friend made him feel safe and content. Almost to where he forgot he cut himself to death… Err… almost death.

Stiles moved off of him after a few moments, and asked about the meeting.

Scott stayed put where he was, shivering at the cool air that replaced Stiles' warm body. "It's about everyone… as a Pack."

Stiles lifted his head, throwing Scott a concerned glance. "You're not kicking anyone out are you?"

Scott chuckled, "No, No." He turned his body to face Stiles, who lay almost two feet away. "But I need to make a few things clear."

"Liiikkeee?" Stiles asked.

"Like, it's okay to have arguments, but in the end, we don't plot against each other and we respect each other for whatever decision we hold."

"Fair, but don't we already know and do that?"

Scott thought for a moment, "I mean, _yes_ … But we are still teenagers."

"Need to be reminded."

"Of everything, you know?" Scott rambled. "To do their homework, do their chores, go to the pack meetings, _respect each other_ , listen to the Alpha, you know?" He sighed. "And they really don't have to _agree_ with me, just listen and we can talk it out."

"I listen." Stiles folded his arms sassily.

Scott chuckled, "I know you do, that's why you were in the pack first. And you are always there for me. I couldn't have a better friend."

Guilt from last night engulfed him. Does a good friend cut themselves while you are present? Does a good friend keep that a secret from you? Stiles didn't think so.

"I should go." Stiles got up to leave, but Scott caught his arm.

"I think you should stay. It's roughly 2:30 in the morning and we have school in a few hours. Sleep, I'll drive you to school."

Stiles agreed and laid down.

"Goodnight, Stiles."

"Good Morning, Scott." Stiles' lips quirked in tired amusement.


End file.
